I am a Stinkbug, I am a Sponge

This is an adaptation of my weekly newsletter, Adventures Big & Small. If you want to receive emails like these, click here to subscribe.

Here’s a little video (it might take a moment to load) of what’s happening around here these days. Maggie and I call this “stinkbugging.” 

We are always saying that today, right now, must be our favorite phase of parenthood. Sleep deprived or not, each phase has held magic. But I really, truly think that 20 ish months will go down as our forever favorite.

Maggie seems to have all the words but can’t say any of them very well. Instead of “all done” she’s “all dumb.” 

She’s super into anything that makes us happy, and she literally applauds us anytime we achieve something we’re struggling with. Hard time opening the cherry jam? Expect clapping and a “yay, mama” or “yay, dada” once you finally get it open.

She talks a lot in her sleep. Last night at some point she was repeating the phrase “ABCs, dance” over and over…loud enough that we both woke up and laughed. 

It feels like I live in some kind of comical interpretation of humanity, full of softness and cuteness and joy. It also feels completely pure. She can communicate how she’s interpreting the world, but the world has yet to impart much bias or preconception on her. She is pure feeling.

I keep thinking that my job right now is to be a sponge. The best sponge I can be. I just want to walk into a room with her and soak up everything she is giving.

The belly laughs and the goofy grins and all the weird things she does with her mouth as she tries to say new words. And also the sense of touch and her strong but tiny little body as she snuggles and wiggles and stinkbugs around on top of me while I lie on the floor. 

I want to soak up every last bit of it. I want to be entirely present.

So one of the hardest things is knowing when to pick up the camera. Because the camera is both a way to remember, but also a thing that takes me out of the present. We take photos to have something later.

Ideally, we’d have a photographer friend following us around all day (I try my best to be that friend in long-form sessions like this), but most of the time we’re instead trying to achieve a balance of our own. A balance between now and later. A balance between memory and experience.

It always feels like I should have some glowing wisdom to share at the end of these but if you’ve been here long you know I often don’t. Answers aren’t the point of this newsletter. I’m just here to share what a parenting journey looks like from within.

See you next week.